I know you people love a good Q&A almost as much as you like a list so here’s a 100% fake interview with myself on what it was like to go 3 soul-crushing weeks without my favorite government-subsidized commodity.

Q. What do you mean by “sugar”? Because, you know sugar is in everything, right? 

A. Sugar is in everything. So I decided to pump the brakes on the sugar I could see. No granola bars, cookies, sugar in my coffee, or chocolate chips shoved into my mouth after setting the alarm and walking out of the house.

Q. Fruit is sugar, Dummy, and I most certainly saw you eating an apple in the mirror the other day.

A. Who are you calling a dummy, Dummy? Fruit also has a magical ingredient called fiber which not only slows down the absorption of the sugar into your blood stream but doesn’t raise your blood sugar as much as refined sugar.

Q. How did you do it? Did you have any tips or tricks you followed?

A. Yes! I made a list of all the foods that tasted good and brought me joy and ensured I didn’t eat those. I’m a very stubborn person so sheer will was very effective. So was replacing a few of my habits with less delicious alternatives. Example: my breakfast of Vanilla Almond Special K with soy milk was replaced by a cut-up apple with peanut butter. Crunchy and sweet but not a bowl of sugar. I can very easily trick myself as I am extremely gullible.

Q. How was it, really?

A. It was REAL bad for the first 2 weeks. I was cranky and miserable drinking shitty black coffee in the mornings. And if I was rushing around all day and hadn’t planned the right snacks, I couldn’t rely on my trusty Health Warrior bars as the superglue to hold my life together. Then, around day 14, things turned around. The cravings subsided and beyond that first disgusting black coffee, the day was pretty easy.

Q. Do you feel smug?

A. A little yes. Thanks for noticing.

Q. Any changes in your body? Everybody wants to know if you lost any weight?

A. I will say this, my night sweats were completely gone from day 1. So that’s a big bonus for this old girl. Did I lose any weight? Maybe a little less bloated and puffy in the eyeball region. I’m a Welterweight and despite cutting back on close to 500 calories of added sugar per day, I stayed at my fighting weight with a steady intake of hazelnuts and pistachios.

Q. Did your zit go away?

A. Yes! but I sprouted a new chin hair. So I guess I’d call that a draw?

So there you all have it! I learned that I can do with a lot less sugar in my life and most of it was consumed due to laziness. I make better food choices and mindless snacking is almost zero. Sugar is back in my coffee and it is a DELIGHT.

Anybody have any real questions?

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